He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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