People with herpes should wear stickers.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
