Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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