How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
