using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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