its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
