You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i love accidental penises.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
