once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just forgot I was standing up.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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