but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
