can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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