remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
