So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
