anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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