this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
