Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
