we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
