I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
