A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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