i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
