so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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