My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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