I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
