omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
