Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
