he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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