spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
