the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
