You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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