hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
