im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
