where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
