mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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