You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
