it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
