So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
