So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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