If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
