i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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