i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
