Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
