btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
