We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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