Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
