I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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