So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
