tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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