uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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