And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
