Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
