census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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