Duck Duck Cougar?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
