Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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