My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
